The TTC Story

An eventful year, this one. The preps were on in full swing. M and I were to tie the knot on December 8, 2010. Since G had blessed the union, the atmosphere at home was even more upbeat.

Of course we overlooked a tiny detail. G had blessed the marriage, but had never said when it would actually be. While we pored over our honeymoon plans, a thought lingered irritatingly at the back of my mind- would the Teachers' Training Course (TTC) happen for me at all? What with adjusting to a new life post the wedding, setting up a new home in a new town, TTC seemed a good six to eight months away, and even then would the post-marriage seva slump make it harder for me to walk the path?

I must admit here that TTC wasn't so much a part of my plan as much as my mentor's. Sure it's pretty fancy to be sitting there on a chair, dressed in white and speaking knowledge. Who wouldn't aspire for that role. But those moments of glory are very limited. As a teacher you need to shoulder more responsibility and reflect this strange combination of calmness and command. To be able to switch roles between volunteer, student and teacher effortlessly. To remain grounded even as you feel as light as air within. To work like a servant and walk like a king. To drop judgments, extend comfort, warmth and love even to those you would have otherwise ignored. It's so not easy. And I was soooo not prepared. And so I guess, it didn't matter if the course was pushed by a few months :)

But I suppose when it's time, it's time. December 8 turned out to be a most inauspicious period for the marriage. The dates for the wedding were postponed causing mini volcanic eruptions on both sides :) And while we wondered when the lava would cool, I couldn't help thinking to myself, 'Now TTC?'

Somehow in a week's time, I got myself registered, sat back and wondered if I had done the right thing; if it was the right time. And out of the blue a teacher called only to enquire when I was off for the course. Sign? *shrug* Only if you choose to see it that way. It was out of my hands now. Left to G. If I got the call, I would go. If not, I'd chill a little bit longer.

Obviously, the call came. 10 days before the course was to commence. And before I knew it, I was there in the only paradise I know on Earth, the one I'm fortunate enough to call my home- Ashram (those who haven't yet been there, *sigh* too bad). And I paid the boarding fee all by myself!! :D

Together, along with four hundred and ten other equally excited participants, I embarked on a most beautiful journey into my own heart and mind, shedding inhibitions, meeting my ego and letting go of the last remains of the tiniest bonds that were holding me back.

TTC has given me so much! Friends from across the world- those who didn't speak my language and with whom I could share jokes and communicate with, without any difficulty. It helped me discover the secret of good communication- words don't convey as much as silence and a smile and communication is a matter of the heart not of words.

I discovered people who have fought unthinkable adversities to come this far and it made me realise how utterly petty I am in most aspects of my life. And how unbelievably blessed I am to be sitting through the program. I was reacquainted with myself over the past 21 days. No justifications. No judgments. As frank as it can get. The result?- Well, M says I have changed. And I feel a new blend of firmness and quietude within. I've actually learned to ignore; to pick and choose the situations that need my attention; to accept most (work in progress) people as they are; to know when and how to speak; and to approach problems with a steady head.

Yep, entering totally unknown territory here. I'm getting acquainted with my ability to keep calm. It's a first I admit, and I am still waiting for an outburst to take over me(which probably keeps me a little more aware?) ;-)

All-in-all this has been the experience of a lifetime. And whether or not one can graduate the course, it's a journey to be explored.

Shedding tears of gratitude on the last day, as I saw Him sailing through the crowd, I could for the first time fathom the meaning of the word, surrender.

My Master :)

One look into His eyes and it feels like you're falling through a limitless void...a most tender, beautiful, serene void. A smile, and you know that you don't always need a hand to be assured that you're being held. A touch, and you experience what it must be like to hug a cloud; to experience what it's like to be here and nowhere.

From seeing Him walk past me in a queue of hundreds at the airport, to be sitting among the chosen few who can take forward this knowledge, this has been a truly unique, blessed and complete journey.

With gratitude dear Master for your unconditional love and your presence in my life.

Arziyaan

I'm not the sort who has a Hindi film song popping into her head for every situation in life (unlike M). But this one from Delhi 6 has been special to me since the first time I heard it. In my opinion it's the best qawwali ever. All I do is sit with my eyes closed and picture the divine power I believe in. And within no time, I find tears rolling down my cheeks, my heart feels full with no effort and I brim with gratitude. I've always enjoyed music like every other person but this has to be the only song to have ever extracted such a strong positive reaction out of me. And I hope you are able to experience it too. I couldn't help highlighting my favourite lines from the song. *sigh* Music is one of the fastest ways to surrender.

Errr... ignore the video images. Kinda kills the mood ;-)



Arziyaan sari mein chehre pe likh ke laaya hoon
Tumse kya maangu main, tum khud hi samajh lo
Maula maula maula mere maula
Maula maula maula mere maula....

Daraare daraare maathe pe maula
Marammat muqaddar ki kar do maula, mere maula
Tere dar pe jhuka hoon, mita hoon, bana hu
Marammat muqaddar ki kar do maula

Jo bhee tere dar aaya, jhukne jo sar aaya
Mastiya piye sabko, jhumta nazar aaya
Pyaas le ke aaya tha, dariya woh bhar laya
Noor ki baarish mein bheegta sa tar aaya

Maula maula maula mere maula...
Daraare daraare maathe pe maula
Marammat muqaddar ki kar do maula, mere maula...
Jo bhi tere dar aaya, jhukne jo sar aaya
Mastiya piye sabko, jhumta nazar aaya

Ek khushboo aati thi, main bhatakta jaata tha
Reshmi see maya thi, aur main takta jaata tha
Jab teri galli aaya, sach tabhi nazar aaya
Mujh mein hi woh khushboo thi, jisse tune milwaya
Maula maula maula mere maula
Daraare daraare hai maathe pe maula
Marammat muqaddar ki kar do maula, mere maula...

Tootke bikharna mujhko zarur aata hai
Warna ibaadat waala shahur aata hai
Sajde mein rehne do, ab kahi na jaaunga
Abb jo tumne thukraaya toh sanwar na paaunga
Maula maula maula mere maula
Maula maula maula maula
Daraare daraare hai maathe pe maula
Marammat muqaddar ki kar do maula, mere maula...

Sar uthaake maine toh kitni khwahishe ki thi
Kitne khwaab dekhe the, kitni koshishe ki thi
Jab tu rubaru aaya, nazare na mila paaya
Sar jhuka ke ek pal mein maine kya nahi paaya
Maula maula maula mere maula
Maula maula maula

Surrendering

*Sigh* Back after such a loooooong hiatus.

Don't worry I won't bore you guys with everything that has transpired in between. Though, in a nutshell, life has been one big amusement (not!) park. I've been hopping from one ride to the next like a maniac. Though some were chilled out carousel rides but most of the time it was the frightful, roller coaster I was forced to take.

Anyway, lap one seems to be done with. It's lap two that's got me all wired up inside. Hopefully, all that should pass off well in the next few months and I won't fall off my seat in the process. Of course I've got my safety belt on- I do meditate often. And no, it doesn't really help the situation, but definitely helps me see every hurdle separately from the big picture. One baby step after another, that's the only sane way to deal with problems in the current scenario.

When ego hassles start getting the better of you, even the most happy events can turn sour for life. And it's worse when the ego issues are not yours to control. It's two against four right now. And hopefully twenty years later, all of this won't matter. God I hope it doesn't!

I'm pretty sure I'll have a blissful life. My unseen angels have been very sweet with me so far bringing me only that which gives joy. And I'm certain they shall stand by me in the future too. It's human to make errors. But to ignore, forgive and forget is no easy task. Knowledge helps you ride the tide. But, it is a rough journey. And the only thing I can do now is surrender my worries and those of others too. And trust that my angels and Master are carrying me ahead. Safely.

Off to TTC in the next two weeks. I don't know what to expect after I've completed the training program. I suppose there would be some amount of confidence in me. Perhaps I'll be able to find new talents, rekindle latent ones and polish some others (need to write better!). Maybe I'll be filled with a little pride. After all being a teacher of the Art of Living is a matter of honour. It is both a privilege and a challenge. And I wonder if the pride will go to my head. Hmmm... I suppose it is good that I am aware of this possibility at this stage. I might be able to consciously recognise and surrender any traces of unwanted ego and arrogance that may come with the kriya tape :-)

Surrender. The word has been coming up time and again these past few months. I suppose it's an important lesson to learn on the spiritual path. And the more knowledge you hear, read or see, the more insignificant you feel. Like a tiny petal in a garland of one thousand marigolds- that is my existence. Lend a little colour, spread a little fragrance and wilt away. That's pretty much what life is all about. So why all the fuss over some bee that may suck a little sweetness out of me once in a while. All I have to do is surrender and the wind will carry the little bug'ger away.

What does one not get to experience on this path. Extreme highs, extreme lows. Success, failure. Deep friendships, breaking away of old ties, jealousy (especially when you see contemporaries progressive faster than you). Breathtaking beauty, a glimpse of the ultimate peace, the sordid reality of the world. It's a complete existence here. Abundance, joy, a sense of fullness, it's all here. What's more, there is an awareness of it all happening, constantly.

Only a fortunate few find themselves on the spiritual path (some like me are here not by choice, but by accident, grace, a past-life karma). Still fewer move ahead. I'm blessed to be here, at my age, with a human birth, a living master and a teeny weeny desire to know the true purpose of life. It's all that I need to last the rest of my days.

I've always rued over my inability to explain to people the beauty of the Art of the Living course and convince them to experience it first hand. And telling myself that their karma probably doesn't allow them to taste it, doesn't do much for my confidence. Sure, I should surrender that too. But somehow I haven't been able to do that until... I learnt a little pearl of wisdom. A slight shift in the consciousness that seems to be spreading some sunny shine.

It's just a little shift in my focus- from not being able to convince people to do the course, to approaching them with the consciousness of a mother-with true care, a sense of belongingness and love. It seems to have made a little difference and broken through the dark cave, letting in a single clean white ray of hope in myself. And I'm smiling wider.

Ooops, I sense a trickle of doership here. Surrender O, surrender. Haha! Happy day dear ones!

Gone

I'm disappearing from this space for a while. The other blog too. Those who care to still keep reading will just have to figure out which new blogspace I might own now. Sayonara!

Shivratri

The following has been taken/ paraphrased etc etc. from quite a few other blogs, articles etc. where G has spoken about the meaning and importance of Shivratri.

Shiva is not any person sitting in some hill. Kailas, that is. Let's look at the meaning of Kailas. 'Las' means where there is celebration, happiness. Where there is nothing but celebration. That, is Kailas. Kunth – is shortage. Vaikunth is where there is shortage of nothing. Where there is only celebration that is Kailas. And hence Shiva is seated in such Kailas. The atman, the core of our existence itslef is Shiva, bliss.

Shivaratri is the day of Lord Shiva. Shiva is the lord of meditation and therefore the lord of awakening. Shiva Tattva means to be awakened. Shivratri is thus an occasion to awaken one's self from all sorts of slumber. Shivaratri is not a night to be slept over. One should try and be up through the night. It signifies being aware of everything you have and being grateful about it. Be grateful for the happiness which leads to growth, and also for sadness which gives a depth to life. This is the right way of observing Shivaratri.

There are certain days and time frames in a year that enhance one's mental and spiritual faculties. In such times, whatever one wishes, materializes. Shivaratri is one such day. All this is very scientific. Going to temples on this day is OK but you should remember that Shiva is everywhere.

No worship is complete without offering something to the deity. Shiva is a very simple lord, he is innocent - 'Bholanath'. One just needs to offer bel-patra to him. But in this simplicity is a deep message. Bel-patra offerings signify the surrender of all three aspects of one's nature -Tamas, Rajas and Sattva. You have to surrender the positives and negatives of your life to Shiva and become carefree! The greatest offering is your self. To offer one's self is the key to happiness in life. It's like a drop owning the ocean. If a drop remains separate, it will perish. But when it becomes the ocean, it is eternal!

Shiva is peace, infinity, beauty and the non-dual One. Ratri means 'to take refuge'. And so Shivaratri is taking refuge in Shiva. Any meditation we do on this day has a manifold effect, for this is the day when the spirit touches the earth. The first sound when creation manifested was Om. The second sound was So Hum. The third sound was Om Namah Shivaya.

There's a LOT more to Shiva than this ant-sized explanation. But so much for now. Happy Shivratri :-)

Madness

I was born in Bombay. A good part of my childhood was spent in the company of her fun, lively, dreamy, cultured ways. But then she was sold off to the mafias, politicos, crazy builders. Like a good wife, she changed her name. And consequently her personality too. She lost much of her youthful charm, her mangroves and flamingos. Of course there was no one to see the ravage as it was tucked neatly by a growing economy (malls, brands, media, the Ambani's, Tata's and Birla's)

I've had several arguments with people who put down my city on grounds of pollution, poverty, crowd, dirt. And I want to lash out at them; tell them how they, the outsiders, have invaded my city, raped her and left her to rot in misery. While she allows them to live, and thrive, they laugh at her helpless state, scoff at her problems and tune out her cries of help. Make money and move on. It doesn't matter who you trample upon on your way up. Idiots! Don't they know that sooner or later karma will get them!

I love my city. I am proud of her. But I wonder if she'll welcome me back. Because today I am an outsider. In my own home.

From this distance, when I read news reports stating that I should speak only Marathi in public places, I am a little scared. Not because I can't speak the language or understand it. But because I don't think talking in any other language, as long as the person I am speaking with understands me, should be a crime.

Should knowing Marathi be made compulsory for the cabbies? Let's rewind to the history of Mumbai. Who did she really belong to? Who led her to such fantabulous heights? The fisher folk, Parsis, Gujratis- the business community that created the job opportunities. Having said that, Mumbai is a part of Maharashtra and I totally support the the idea that cabbies ought to know the local language. Tamilians are extremely proud of their mother tongue. Some autowallahs will go out of their way to make you feel small for bargaining in English over Tamil. I know I need to learn it. When in Rome, do as the Romans. When in Maharashtra, speak Marathi. And why not?!

Every state is proud of its local language, why shouldn't that be the case with Mumbai? Every state-level minister takes his/her oath in the local language. So why should the demand for the same in Maharshtra court controversy. Shouldn't it just be NORMAL?!

As far as employment is concerned, every city gives preference to locals. So when Maharahtra hopes for the same, why is it so wrong? I think it's quite fair.

But does all of this call for destruction of public property, open threats, law and order problems? Does all this justify the vandalism, rampage in a hospital (remember Singhania HOSPITAL for God's sake!) Aren't there better ways?

When I visit Mumbai now, I'm going to think twice about openly speaking in Bengali with my family. Never mind that I grew up here (or that my grandfather had lived in a Juhu and Bandra that were paddy fields). Never mind that my heart bleeds for the city. I am going to have to prove my love through a language test.

I may understand the demands. But not the methods. Not this goondaism. Why should anyone have to clarify and apologise to people who do not hold any government office, or are not part of any of the armed forces? What makes them the uncrowned rulers of the city? But above all, what makes the crowd obey this self-appointed other government system?. It's fear. And if fear is the foundation of their kingdom, it's not going to stand firm too long.

There are a few things that I find really odd. Apart from telling apart Marathis from South- Indians, Gujratis, Biharis etc. , apart from changing the name of Bombay to Mumbai, what constructive work has the party done that can be remembered? If at all there has been any, the party itself has seen to it that it is overshadowed by such behaviour.

Shouldn't the cause of the Marathi Manoos extend to all parts of Maharashtra? Why focus so much on Mumbai alone? Yep, everyone wants to rule the financial capital of the country!

Shouldn't a party that stands for all things Maharashtrian work ceaselessly (at least that's a better ground for votes) to develop lesser privileged sections of the population and backward areas within the state? Create more job opportunities? Take active measures to curb suicide of farmers? Aren't these the real issue of the common Marathi Manoos?

In a country like ours, finding an issue is never too hard. But why can't the right issues be raised? Why can't people talk of saving tigers without a corporate body initiating it (for a short time, mind you. Put up a website, generate a buzz, make some sales and find the next publicity gimmick).

Where is the class in our debates? The real solid issues? Presentable, educated, sane, firm leaders? Argh! When will this madness stop?!

Follow the link

Toothpaste Ki Tube and More

On T.V.- Stardust Film Awards; Preity Zinta's strange wobbly walk and firm cleavage display; Rishi Kapoor looking younger (read: not drunk) and Sri Devi's abnormally sunken cheekbones and large eyes.

On mind- Why do all toothpastes claim to be the only ones most widely used by dentists? How does one make a wise choice now (that is, a really smart one that's not based on blue versus red gel or blue versus red, or green pack design)? If teeth had characteristics like hair (strong, brittle etc.) would it make it any easier to choose the right toothpaste?

This year I took a decision to live on the happy path. To do away with negativity; with all things and people that are negative; to consciously, selfishly live for myself. And I love it. I am blessed. Lucky to have parents who give me the freedom and support to live life my way.

This year, I shall do my best to rise above mediocrity, have fun trying to exceed my own expectations. And let nobody but myself, judge my work. This year I am going to lift up my head, fix it firmly on my shoulders and shrug off the dust.

This year I am going to think of toothpastes, dots, sequins, threads, shoes, paanwaalaas. Sugar, spice, chips with dip and creamy ice.

Yes, things will be okay. Will be perfectly fine. With so many blessings in life, how can it not be? :-)

Tales of Passion

Only a Teeny Tiny Glimpse of Mulund

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